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Premiere Of FOX's "The Masked Singer" Season 2 - Inside

“I wear my melted face as a collar.”

Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images

I like to think that 30 years ago, Robert Zemeckis put on his old-timey director’s hat, walked onto the set of Back to the Future II and yelled through his old-timey director’s megaphone, “Okay team, we’re going to make the most insane version of the future we can imagine! Michael J! Your shoes will lace themselves! Christopher, your flying car eats garbage! Everyone is going to ride hoverboards and watch Jaws 19 on a holoscreen, and people will eat miniature pizzas that will turn into big pizzas and windows will be TVs! ACTION!”

If you sent me back to 1989, my vision of the future would have probably been along the same lines. Maybe more gigantic pizzas. But now I am in 2019, and nothing could possibly have prepared me for ??? the hypercolor ??? slimescape in which we have arrived.

I just saw a video of a gaming streamer dressed up as an ice cream singing about a horse to an anti-vaxxer and it was? what life is now?